OSLO (TPM) - A frequent flyer working out of the City declared today he has never had a flight delay "I have been incredibly lucky. I've been flying a couple of times a month for 10 years now out of various airports and never once has a plane taken off later than its sheduled time."
This remarkable achievement has not gone unnoticed by his collegues "I think he's got a horseshoe up his arse or something." Said the Mans boss. Another colleague remarked "If one of those planes crashed I'd probably get his job, which would be tragic."
"All credit has to go to the guys in air traffic control really, they're the guys making sure those birds run on time." Said the Man.
A representative of the Federation of Air Traffic Controllers was asked for comment on the mans remarkable achievement "It all has to be bollocks. My opinion, He's a fucking liar."
The Mans' Wife was asked if she felt lucky to be married to a minor aviavtion celebratory "I think the Tart he's been buying lingere for at the other end of those flights is getting lucky, but we'll chat about those reciepts together when the media circus leaves town."
Industry expert, Ryanair owner and general gobshite Micheal O'Leary said "He's clearly not travelling on my fecking planes. If he can get planes to fly through shitting ash clouds I'll give him a job myself."
The Man is currently trying to establish if he can commercialise this remarkable aviation fortune he has by being a 'buddy' for time constrained business men "You tell me where you have to be and by what time, I'll book 2 tickets on the latest flight to get us there. One Gentleman has used my service a lot recently, I think he might be homosexual."
Sources close to matters revealled Airbus and Boeing are both negotiating a programme of medical testing to identify if anything biological can be harvested and potentially incorperated into the manufacturing of commercial aircraft. A leaked quote was "I'd strap him on to the nose like a freakin' truck mascott if it meant our planes left on time."
The next flight the Man is scheduled to take is to Aruba with a a client "Will he get lucky? With the flights, Yes, with my ass, No."
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